Happy Ramazan

While I was in the US, E started praying regularly and attending Friday mosque services for the first time in our relationship. He was so worried about his wife and son that he decided he had to be proactive. Otherwise, he could not show Allah how grateful he is for the blessing of our marriage and baby. He has continued to pray since I returned (although the early-morning prayer is still a struggle for him), and I’ve been impressed with his dedication. He tells me he is so blessed and could never forgive himself if something happened to me or Baby B.

Today is the first day of Ramadan (called Ramazan in Turkish—also a popular boy’s name). At 3:00 am, E woke up to eat breakfast before the first ezan (call to prayer). For the next month, during daylight hours (in Erzurum, between 3:30 am and 7:30 pm), E will not eat, drink, smoke, or kiss. I am all for not smoking (unfortunately for E, while he was smoking his first cigarette, the ezan started at 3:30 am—30 minutes earlier than yesterday). However, I struggle with the idea that I cannot even kiss my husband goodbye on his way to school.

I will do my best, of course, to support E in his pursuit. I may not actually eat with him at 3:00 am (I’m not sure how Baby B or my stomach would react to the sudden intake of food), but I suspect I’ll be awake everyday at that time. Last year, because of me, E did not observe Ramazan, and the guilt he felt contributed to several rocky months in our relationship that I would much rather forget.

I told E that if I were not pregnant, I would fast with him to avoid offending him or his family. He told me that was ridiculous. The point of Ramazan is not the fasting. The point is the meaning behind the fasting and the prayers that accompany it. For me, it would be simply not eating—and there is no purpose to that.

I realize he is absolutely right, so I will never participate in the month of fasting—pregnant or no. That being said, I also won’t be walking around Erzurum eating ice cream or chewing gum. I still have mixed feelings about the fact that his mom will make me eat food during the day when we go to Istanbul next week, but E assures me I will only offend his family if I refuse to eat.